Woo. -_- I think I've replaced 'drug' addiction with mass restricting again.
I'm actually starting to be afraid to drink water again. This happened two years ago. I know fluids are the best thing for me. I'm torn between my rational mind, and my wants.
So diversion starts soon. What happens when that's over!? Will I lose all control again, start smoking weed again, and gain, gain, gain!?? This does not seem like an option to me at all.
STAY STRONG!!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Work please
So in two days (Tuesday), I find out if I get my job back.
Crossing my fingers. I'm going stir crazy not being able to go anywhere or do anything. SO annoying.
I'm thinking that getting my job back, is going to have to do with if I'm losing weight or not.. and if I keep losing weight.
Yet again, crossing my fingers.
to date, I've lost another 10Lbs but some how I feel larger than life, and can see every single dimple, line, roll, etc. BLEH!!!
I just need to go back to work. Healed or not. -_-
Crossing my fingers. I'm going stir crazy not being able to go anywhere or do anything. SO annoying.
I'm thinking that getting my job back, is going to have to do with if I'm losing weight or not.. and if I keep losing weight.
Yet again, crossing my fingers.
to date, I've lost another 10Lbs but some how I feel larger than life, and can see every single dimple, line, roll, etc. BLEH!!!
I just need to go back to work. Healed or not. -_-
Friday, March 18, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Marijuanville
So I've quit smoking marijuana, and I really didn't think that it made much of a difference with my eating habits (Maybe because I have been smoking so long) but now since I have quit, I lost 10lbs in 4 days :D
My stomach pains are starting to go away, and I 100% am blaming the weed for stomach pains lol.
Going to start trying to go to the gym again :/ I just feel so self conscious, like everyone is staring at me when I go.
RANT!!!
My stomach pains are starting to go away, and I 100% am blaming the weed for stomach pains lol.
Going to start trying to go to the gym again :/ I just feel so self conscious, like everyone is staring at me when I go.
RANT!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
BBQ anyone?
Yesterday, by the end of the day, I had this whole meal plan for the day and it had been working out great... until (DOT DOT DOT), my boyfriend and I got invited to a dinner. blahhh.
I chose to eat a salad.. but soon there after, I started getting offered other foods. BBQ. lame. I feel like the only way I'm going to stick to anything is if I stay in my house where there is no other outside factors.
:[ boo!
So I guess now, I'm starting my diet over.. from the very beginning.
.: If at first you don't succeed, try again. You're only a failure if you give up. :.
I chose to eat a salad.. but soon there after, I started getting offered other foods. BBQ. lame. I feel like the only way I'm going to stick to anything is if I stay in my house where there is no other outside factors.
:[ boo!
So I guess now, I'm starting my diet over.. from the very beginning.
.: If at first you don't succeed, try again. You're only a failure if you give up. :.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Needing stuff to do.
Since my car accident, I haven't been able to go out and do things. Stuck at home, I feel like a lump. I can't go to work, and at work, I dance. Soo annoyed!! :[
I've gotten my calories down to 650 a day, and feel comfortable that it will be manageable (yet again) and I wont freak out after 7 to 10 days, and binge on everything in our entire house. Bleh.
Also, have been trying to find more 'Before & After' - photos. inspiration...
I've gotten my calories down to 650 a day, and feel comfortable that it will be manageable (yet again) and I wont freak out after 7 to 10 days, and binge on everything in our entire house. Bleh.
Also, have been trying to find more 'Before & After' - photos. inspiration...
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Day 2 of a fast?
I think I've gotten to a point where I enjoy stomach pains. Not that empty nausea feeling, but the actual stomach pain, I've come to recognize as a good thing.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
New in the world of Blog
I've struggled with ED, since I was 13 years old.
I have always had a bad 'relationship' with food, which brought along the poor self body image, binging, purging, restricting and obsessive calorie counting.
I can't ever remember when I felt 'Okay' eating. It has always been this huge mind trip to me. Not that I have had the best support group in the world, I kept my ED secret for years before asking for help. Still with having some support, I was tossed in to treatment where my parents still wouldn't have to deal with the issue right in front of their faces.
I became a teen mom at 17, gaining ungodly lbs. and reaching the highest weight I had ever been. A couple years later, my marriage to the father of my son fell apart. I attribute a HUGE part of my failing marriage to my weight. Who would want to be with someone that big!?
As I watched things fall apart in my life, I had had enough of caring this extra baggage around and being larger than life.
Mia was my best friend in middle school. I saw results, and quickly. She soon after, came back in to my life, and I didn't want her to leave.
I began calorie counting, restricting, not taking in anymore than 400Calories a day. I lost weight, and felt good.
Along with losing the weight I needed to, it was happening fast.
Still restricting. Every time I eat anything, I feel lazy and depressed, like I have zero motivation. But after I have gone a few days, to a week without eating, I feel energized, able and willing to do normal tasks, leave my house. etc.
Morgan Silent.
I have always had a bad 'relationship' with food, which brought along the poor self body image, binging, purging, restricting and obsessive calorie counting.
I can't ever remember when I felt 'Okay' eating. It has always been this huge mind trip to me. Not that I have had the best support group in the world, I kept my ED secret for years before asking for help. Still with having some support, I was tossed in to treatment where my parents still wouldn't have to deal with the issue right in front of their faces.
I became a teen mom at 17, gaining ungodly lbs. and reaching the highest weight I had ever been. A couple years later, my marriage to the father of my son fell apart. I attribute a HUGE part of my failing marriage to my weight. Who would want to be with someone that big!?
As I watched things fall apart in my life, I had had enough of caring this extra baggage around and being larger than life.
Mia was my best friend in middle school. I saw results, and quickly. She soon after, came back in to my life, and I didn't want her to leave.
I began calorie counting, restricting, not taking in anymore than 400Calories a day. I lost weight, and felt good.
Along with losing the weight I needed to, it was happening fast.
Still restricting. Every time I eat anything, I feel lazy and depressed, like I have zero motivation. But after I have gone a few days, to a week without eating, I feel energized, able and willing to do normal tasks, leave my house. etc.
Morgan Silent.
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